dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
