we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
