there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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