Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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