Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
