Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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