I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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