the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
