so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
