We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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