dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
