Your mouth is God's brothel.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
