I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
