possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
