No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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