Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
