I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
