to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
