Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
