the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
