Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
