Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
