I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
