I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
