Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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