Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
