I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
