Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
