Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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