He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
