You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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