I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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