ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
