Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
