Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
