Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
