that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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