Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
