I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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