I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
