sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
