I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
