so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
