Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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