My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
