he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
