I hate all girls vehemently.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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