what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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