; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
