Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
