My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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