Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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