Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
